It seems as though as soon as this particular thought popped
up in my head, it was continuously being justified in every aspect of my life: if people weren't so difficult, life would
be so much easier. My boyfriend and I had a very specific discussion about
our current challenges in our personal lives. By the end of it I came to the
conclusion that if certain people [in his life] would just let the bullshit go
and be approachable, easy to work with, etc., LIFE would be so much easier. The
end result was the realization that this notion was applicable to not only his
life, but, my life, and I'm sure everyone else's.
You do have two opposite points in your life. One being where
you don't feel the need to initiate those difficult conversations or you avoid
anything potentially difficult altogether. You're usually extremely passive or
a pushover. The effort you could be putting towards committing a courageous act
and facing your fears is used to push your true internal feelings down to the
pit of your stomach. Eventually, you forget who you are, where you are, or why
you are; all because of that ONE difficult ass person. Or those group of
difficult ass people. Sometimes there are cases where both or all persons
involved notice that there's some obstacle in the way of a better tomorrow.
However, no one involved wants to be the first person to address the issues. So
everyone acts ignorant. Or no one just seems to care enough to even try.
The other point would be letting the more assertive you take
center stage. There comes a time when you say enough is enough. You'd like all
the bullshit to cease and for everyone to be real about the situation at hand.
At moments where you'd typically bring your artificial persona to the forefront
of the situation, you decide to shed some light on the issue(s) at hand. You
begin standing up for yourself, despite what arguments it may cause. Then the
more you do that, the more you start to regret. You find yourself looking back
and believing that when you were extra passive your troubles were less. You
also have this huge epiphany; the epiphany which I had just a few short days
ago. YOU'RE DEALING WITH A DIFFICULT MOTHERFUCKER. Well, that's truly not the
epiphany. It's really that with each rebuttal you notice the lack of
cooperation. Like, damn. Aren't we both mature enough to come to some type of
compromise or agreement? Do you have to be so obstinate about the details which
I find irrelevant, but you see as important? Unfortunately, yes.
People are like this in our workplaces, our homes, our
relationships, our friendships. They don’t realize that they're holding up a
very special process which involves getting over a hump and moving forward with
life. It's always what seems to be that one obstacle that never moves far
enough to the right or the left in order for you to move out of that terrible
situation, save enough money, get that new job, pay that damn bill, have that
awkward meeting, finish that project, etc. People don't realize the
inconvenience they cause those they are working with when they either have a
lackadaisical or much too aggressive disposition. That delay between responding
to an urgent email is preventing the person on the other end from finishing
their job. That compulsive reaction to the actions of others is preventing
those you love from being their true selves around you. That passive-aggressive
way in which you handle situations with those around you prevents you from
building fruitful relationships. If only those on the other end would realize.
Through all of this I've come to an additional conclusion.
You can only change the actions of those you're involved with by changing your
own. The energy invested in getting someone to realize the hindrance you feel
they're putting on your life should be put into working towards having an
objective perspective. It's challenging to work through situations where your
emotions are involved. Though, if you choose to note how you feel and
understand it from the outside looking in, you're getting that much closer to
your solution. From there you'll realize that the blame you're putting on [the
difficult motherfucker] could very well be an understanding about you both. It
is much easier to point the finger at everyone else but yourself. However, let
me tell you now, there is always somewhere that you can take responsibility.
Maybe not equal responsibility, but some kind of responsibility. Coming to
grips with the fact that no one is perfect, including you. Trust that the less time you put towards
"fixing" a situation and the more time you put towards understanding
it, will actually result in it being "fixed".
-Omnee Israel
-Omnee Israel
